My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This house was built for laser tag.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
