He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
