So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
