Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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