just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You're a disaster
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