Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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