well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
