You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It was confusing and full of hummus
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
