sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
