I showed him my bush... on skype.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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