she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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