why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
