Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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