haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
