If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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