Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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