So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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