Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
