Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Terrible idea I love it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
