it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
