I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
