One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
