woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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