the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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