ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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