drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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