i think my mom watched the whole time
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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