I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
