So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You need Xanax blowdarts
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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