I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
