Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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