I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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