I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
