I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
