It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
