I just cut my nipple shaving
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
