If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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