Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
