i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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