when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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