i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
