I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
