Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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