Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
