where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
A+ Viking dick
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
