Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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