remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
