I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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