My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
