Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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