I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
