this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
